Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because in its essential concept it feels to me so inclusive, positive and grounded. As I live in Ireland (tho I was raised in the US) as a single parent with my half American / half Irish son, I feel it’s one of the best ways to positively connect him to my own family and national traditions, which themselves connect to celebrations of harvest that stretch to almost all cultures and times, from the beginnings of settled/agrarian human society.

As far as the date, I love that it’s possible to have an extended season of harvest, especially one that in coming so late gives a perfect pause to hold back the onslaught of the Gimme! Season that is so commercially pervasive this time of year. And, maybe because we are living in Ireland, for me it coincides with the annual time that feels most like the beginning of a new year, a time to reflect on our friendships, old and new, and community, on the year that’s passing away.

We have only had one (his first) Thanksgiving in the US or with any members of my family, unfortunately, and so we are kind of left to ourselves to invent our own version of the festival. Our celebrations really began with November 2001, when I wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude to the community of friends who’d supported me with such generosity of spirit in the previous difficult months. For my son’s benefit, I wanted to have a full scale sit down dinner like we’d have had at my mother’s table, a chance for him to experience something that he and I don’t often have a chance to engage with over here on our own. We’ve held our celebration on the Saturday after the national day when more of our friends can be with us – usually we have about 12 for that – and then, because we couldn’t accommodate all our Irish friends, so many of whom are very curious about what can be done with a pumpkin and sweet potatoes, we have usually held an open house for desserts in the afternoon and evening. Having such a big event can be a lot of work, though it’s nice to exercise those culinary and planning muscles every now and then – and in the first years it was hard because I wanted to make traditional family recipes that no one else here knew how to make. One year when we had very little money and for a number of reasons I had very little energy and was thinking of not celebrating, my son said, but all we need is a bit of dinner, some popcorn and pie and our friends, isn’t that all that matters… so we just had one other mother and her children for dinner and it felt just right – I was so pleased that he held in his heart such a simple sense of the meaning of it all. The most folks we had was about 70 folks coming and going for desserts (with at least 6 continents and 25 countries represented one year…) which was a little bit much, really, – our little semi-detached house was brimming over – but it was amazing because there were so many folks from so many different circles in our lives who were together in one place for the only time – a real sense for use of a web of connection being created, if only ephemerally – some of them local folks who’d lived all their lives in this town and never met each other…

Over time it’s become more communal, which is really lovely. Each year is a little different, but every year, I sit in my house the following day and soaking up the amazing, loving, positive residual energy and blessing – the house is so happy! – and am very very glad that we have such abundance, such friends.

And then, we can enter the solstice season that bit more focussed on what we have, and because we are not in such a hurry to decorate for that so early, we can extend it easily up to Twelfth Night, through the darkest days, and through a time, that, for folks like us without Irish family, can be very lonely as so many families close up like clam shells, and we are still nourished emotionally and spiritually by our harvest celebration, all through the winter.

In Canada, because it’s in early October, the Autumn season is absolutely brilliant. When I was younger, we used to take a walk in the woods as a family, full of golden sunshine, firey leaves and spicy air. The air is crisp enough to warrant some good, hearty food after being outside, but it’s still warm enough that you enjoy yourself (unlike November, which is actually my least favorite month out of the year for its dismal weather and the pressure of Christmas approaching). Now that we’re older, my husband and I often host it at our home, inviting members of my and his families to join us for an afternoon of laughter, drinks, good food and music. I love those times together. To prepare, I always still take my walk in the woods, or along one of the bike paths near our home, to collect leaves for the centre piece on the table, and then I take my time cooking the food throughout the day, and visiting with the people I love most in the world. This past year was probably my best, as I managed to handle the chaos of my loud, boisterous family crowding into my kitchen, picking at desserts and horsing around. In previous years, it hasn’t been as relaxed..
Anyways, after a huge, traditional meal, followed by desserts of pumpkin pie made by my Mom and walnut pie (the only thing my brother cooks but he does it so well), we enjoy a coffee together and then slowly guests start to trundle back to their homes at around 7:00. That’s the perfect time to throw the plates in the dishwasher and pop in a movie and zone out on our turkey buzz.

I was thinking that, since you have embraced the idea of shifting seasons, starting to celebrate the harvest season in August, when it’s still swelteringly hot up here, maybe you’d like to try doing a Thanksgiving meal in October? Make it a potluck (that’s what we do), and take time while the turkey cooks (or whatever you decide to eat – oddly enough, I know of quite a few families that for some reason order Chinese on that day), to go outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine before eating too much and then putting your feet up and enjoying a quiet evening after all the guests have gone..

Either way, I wish you all the best in the holiday season – I’m hoping my husband has ordered me a copy of your book “Slow Time”, but if he forgets, I’ll order it myself, I’ve wanted a copy since it came out!

Take care,
Shelley

when i was growing up — thanksgiving dinners were VERY stressful. one cousin and her husband would not show up for dinner until they both were ‘three sheets to the wind.’ they would stagger up the one step of my aunt’s house, practically cracking their heads on the door frame, then would have to be helped into the house.

at dinner the wine, the wine glasses and then the cutlery flowed across the table. all in all, NOT a very cheerful time.

after i got a car, i would show up 10 minutes before dinner started and leave almost immediately after dinner was done — just to avoid all the unpleasantness caused by this particular cousin. the husband just let her get away with it!

this year we had a great time. it was just 6 of us. the two ‘boys’ [they are actually in their 20's but act like undisciplined 2 year olds] weren’t there. apparently they have not been invited back for dinner for several years now. guess we weren’t the only ones upset by their behaviour in 2003. :::::smile:::::

I’ve been accosted by cashiers at the store, my sister-in-law, and complete strangers.

This year- about a month ago- a friend of my hubby’s invited us to his family’s shindig, saying we’d just come along with them, consume, and that’d be it. Yesterday he tells my husband that his people want us to bring a dish. First of all, I can barely cook. Second of all, to spring this on me on such short notice is crazy! I stayed up late last night looking for recipes. We called him today to ask if there would be any cooking space at his place or the place we’re all headed, so that the food wouldn’t get cold or old. The answers were no, and we called to cancel but the guy won’t take no for an answer. Sheesh!

Glad to know I’m not the only one who has a Painsgiving.

Christmas is similar to Thanksgiving except we also watch White Christmas (Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby– don’t forget to sing along and say all the lines!!) and open presents (for the adults, we draw names and everyone gets a present from someone, and it’s usually a well-thought out gift. Everyone gets presents for the little ones, though).

The year-end holidays have always been about family, but then again, so have all the other ones.

However, and I know this for fact, our family is not like other families. We work together, play together, and have holidays together. We like it that way. My parents have been together for 41 years now.

Yes, it’s overwhelming if you’re not used to it. But we try our best to make new-comers feel welcome so they become old-comers!

I was speaking with two of my neighbors today post commenting and after reading your “rant” we were discussing Thanksgiving. One gentleman who is a music teacher and college professor, told me something which I did not know and will research for accuracy. He said it was actually Abraham Lincoln who got the whole “Thanksgiving day” holiday going in his speech which asked everyone to look around them/us in all the destruction and catastrophe for those things for which we can be grateful. Interesting, because another neighbor and I were discussing how what we should really be doing to celebrate our blessings is not go to the store, just open the refrigerator, create a meal with that, turn off the lights light candles, hold hands, and bless our meal and eachother.

I am so thankful Waverly to you and the other readers for the chance to read, commune and meditate on the subject of gratitude today. My day is so much richer for it.

As for nature saying, “Go to sleep!”… I fixed that into my seasonal rituals as well. From sundown on November 1 through sunrise on December 21st I celebrate The Dreaming.

Science has discovered that the universe went through what is called the cosmic Dark Ages. After an initial burst of energy created from the Great Florescence of Being (i.e. Big Bang) energy runs out and the universe rests. During this rest period gravity pulls matter back together until it heats up and bursts into the first stars (what I celebrate at sunrise on December 21st as the birth of the Great Grandmothers of Light and Dark).

As I participate in The Dreaming with the Universe I give myself permission to become as introverted as I need to be, not participating in social events that I find draining and unfestive. I’m lucky in that I don’t have any kids or a spouse to get in the way; even so if a family treated the time as a religious renewal it could be done with parties and familial obligations pared down to a bare minimum without regrets.

I have tried, in the past, to emphasize the “thankful” aspect of the holiday but found it a bit artificial. So it was great to see how some of you have taken this farther. I loved the concept of “Providence journals” and want to adopt it. I also appreciated the new perspectives on gratitude. I like the emphasis on honoring the plants, animals and earth that gives us sustenance.

For those of you who are grumpy in winter, I concur. It’s so odd to live in a culture that expects us to be out most outgoing and active when all of nature seems to be saying “Go to sleep!” Or at least, “curl up in front of the fire and read a good book.”

Carey, I could not find the exact recipe online (the recipe is at home in an old magazine and I’m at work) but I did find something close at http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Squash-and-Black-Bean-Stew-With-Tomatoes-and-Green-Beans-102389
My recipe started with a similar mixture of onions, spices and olive oil. Two ancho chiles were soaked overnight and pureed in a blender and added (with the tomatoes?). My recipe also had mushrooms added at the very end (because you don’t want to cook them too much). I love their smooth, nutty flavor along with the other flavors.

I am thankful to have such thoughtful readers.